Monday, February 20, 2012

Blessed, but frustrated

Okay, so here's another reason that I'm back to blogging. I need an outlet! My poor hubby is probably beyond tired of hearing me complain, vent, and cry! I have been re-reading my posts/journal about getting pregnant with Londyn and it has left me with a lot of mixed emotions. I am, again, wanting a baby so badly it hurts! I'm digging myself into a hole where I don't want to come out. I have been getting some pretty outrageous comments lately or hearing of some that have been said about me and even though I tell myself that it doesn't matter, it hurts. I have realized that people aren't intentionally trying to hurt me or others going through infertility, instead they are simply ignorant. They don't know what it's like, even though they claim to know. If you got pregnant in months with NO fertility treatments, I'm sorry but, don't know what I'm going through! Sure you may have some of the same feelings, but have you spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on Dr. appts, tests, ovulation kits, ultra sounds, shots etc.??? Do you have to remember to take your fertility pill on days 3-7 of your cycle? Then, remember to do your ovulation predictor kit which is super frustrating because it looks just like a freaking pregnancy test! Not only do you have to pee on the dang stick, but you want those two blue lines to tell you that you're ovulating. But not just any two lines, the one line has to be darker than the first line. Otherwise, you still haven't detected it. So, you have to continue for another day or two or three till you get a positive. It plays with your mind!! I get excited when I get two lines, but then remind myself that this isn't a pregnancy test!! And what about the humiliation of going through each round of IUI??? Not for just me, but for my husband??? Tagg is one amazing man! I don't know too many guys that would keep doing this!! So...if one more person tells me to relax, it'll happen when ya least expect it, I may just flick your mouth. Not really, but I may want to!! I read this fabulous artice, it said that relaxation may work for some couples. But, if you have tried for a year with no luck of getting pregnant, then relaxation is not what you need. You probably need fertility treatment and relaxation is NOT a medical cure!! So please, don't tell me to go on a vacation and relax!! It took 7 rounds of IUI to get Londyn. We just completed round 7 for baby #2...and now we wait to see if it worked. I'm not saying all of this for sympathy. I am not shy at all about talking about our journey with this, but I do hope that people will be more sensitive. There are so many people that have contacted me from my frustrated facebook posts, that I feel blessed to know that they feel like they can talk to me. It's nice to know that we're not alone and not the only one going through this!! A couple weeks ago, Londyn (my 3 year old daughter) came home from church asking where her brother and sister are. Apparently, they had learned about families in class and it broke my heart!! She is the only one in her class that doesn't have a sibling! She is going to make a fabulous sister one day! We hope that we will be able to have another child. I long to be pregnant again, for the miracle that it brings!! I long to have a newborn in our home again, to see my sweet Londyn with her brother or sister. I am very blessed. I have a beautiful, healthy daughter and a wonderful, loving, supportive husband. I am very thankful that I was able to experience motherhood at least once, it truly is a blessing in my life! I just have to say that I am frustrated. I am frustrated that we're going through this again. I'm mad. I have no control over this. It is what it is, I cannot change it, but I can accept it. It's hard, it's a rollercoaster, but it's my trial and I can do hard things....

Londyn turned 3!

Our very girly girl turned three! Thanks Melonie, for taking these cute pics of her!

So, sweet! She is very loving and kind hearted! She loves princesses and dressing up. She is super easy going and loves to learn new things. She is a curious and observant little thing! She gets her calm demeanor from her daddy and her picky, attention to detail, from mom. Londyn is a funny girl too, she loves to make you laugh and really is quite funny. She truly has brought us so much joy and laughter. We love you, Miss Londyn!

Thank you Brittney for this perfect princess cake!! She was SO excited about the crown and wand! I can't believe she's three!!

Family reunion 2011

The Williams Fam!! I love, love, love spending time with family!! And the Williams' know how to par-tay!! We have a family reunion every other year, and rotate on who plans it and they decide where we're going. This year we went to Island Park, it was fabulous! And just to explain Tagg's haircut...for the last 7 years of our marriage, he has been bugging me to buzz cut his hair. So, I finally just did it! Let's just say he hasn't bugged me to buzz it since. :)

Love this girl! She loved playing with her cousins! She played with hulu hoops, built sand castles, went boating, blew a ton of bubbles...or split them. :) We had a fun raffle where Pen and Taun created a trivia quiz and you got points for each question. Then, you could use those points to buy things that people brought in an auction style bid. It was fun to see the different things people wanted. A huge hit were my feather extensions that I brought. I think every grandchild and Aunt got feathers put in!


Wow, I went a whole year without a single blog post! I guess I can fairly say that I got preoccupied with facebook and neglected my blog. So, please don't mind this super old post, yes it's the last few months of 2010.

What's hiding in the leaves???

Peek-a-boo, Ritzy!! Londyn playing with our kitten. I always told Tagg that if I ever saw a mouse in, around, by, near, the house that I would be getting a cat. Well, unfortunately that day came! Tagg was at ISP academy in Boise and I was just pulling into our house when I saw a mouse running across the street, toward our house. I freaked!! Later that day, we got Ritzy. :) This was in Sept. of 2010 in our Rigby house, we do not have Ritzy anymore. When we moved to Chubbuck, she kept running of to the neighbors and she is still there. (We don't mind!)

Londyn loved these teeth from Halloween. She would walk around growling at us, too cute!

Lou was a duck for Halloween. She absolutely loved walking around asking for candy!